Find a doctor you can literally trust with your life, and do everything he says. If you don't see a real improvement, get another doctor.
When I finally went into in chemo (3 years later), I thought it'd never end. Everytime I'd go into the doctor, I just longed to hear the words, "no more chemo". Finally that day came.
Keep in mind that your treatment isn't going to last forever. It will end one day and you'll feel better when it does. Your energy will begin to come back, your hair will start to grow out, and you'll want to get on with things. But it may take awhile so be patient with yourself. You went through some powerful drugs - it will take time for them to work their way out of your system. You will feel more like yourself over the months. Take it slowly as you ease back into things.
Sometimes I'm in the green zone, when everything is okay, but then other times I'm in the yellow or maybe even red - it doesn't matter, it's still me here, cancer can't take away my spirit or what really matters the most.
I do think every cloud has a silver lining, although cancer was more like a hurricane then a passing cloud! I recall not minding losing my hair - at first. In fact, I was sort of intrigued by what it'd be like not to have any hair. Being a female, I never dared shave my head before, but once it started to fall out, I couldn't wait to get it off. Since photography is a lifelong interest of mine, I was sort of excited to take photos of myself with no hair - I figured, I'll never have this opportunity again. Even now, whenever I look at my bald photos, I fondly recall it as one of the few high points of my treatment!
Suggestions for Physical Well Be-ing
It helps your mental and physical state to do something even mildly active. When I was at my lowest, I still tried to go for a walk with my dog everyday. Having a dog helps to motivate me, especially when I really didn't feel like going. It's hard to face the guilt of those puppy dog eyes!
For the first days after my chemo, when I couldn't even go for a walk, I still tried to at least go outside, if only to feel the fresh air. Having the privacy of a yard when I was feeling somewhat ill took away all the reluctancy of going out into public.
I found the evening to be the best time of day for me. The sun setting is always beautiful and inspiring even when the weather is not pleasant. It puts me into a soothing mood that allows me to ease into nighttime. Plus, going outside made me feel at least a little less isolated and removed from the world, even if I never saw anyone but my family members.
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The cancer itself may not cause too many noticeable physical changes.
things to do
- rest your body
- know its temporary
- go for a walk
- enjoy being bald
- sit outside
- allow meds to work
- meditate
- ask for hugs
"My Delight", m.fletcher
I knew I had cancer only because my doctor told me so. Beside the initial lump, I didn't feel anything different inside of my body. After my surgery, I didn't feel like I had any sort of illness, much less a life threatening disease. In fact, it was hard to believe I even had cancer. I found it tempting to think, that on some level, the doctors were wrong - "If I feel okay, then it must not be so bad."
Cancer is stealthy. You may not be able to see, feel or sense it. Agreeing to a challenging treatment regimen will make you feel worse doesn't seem so appealing. This is what makes cancer so incomprehensible on a mental level. I ended up putting off conventional treatment because I was more scared of the chemo then I was of the cancer. It wasn't long that the cancer caught up to me. By the time I actually did start to feel its presence, it had advanced to an even more serious level.
"Masked Nude Woman", Thomas Eakins
"Triumph", m.fletcher
