If you are fortunate, you will have help from other family members. If they are not providing this for you, than ask for it or even demand it. Everyone needs time to himself to contemplate what is happening to his loved one, his family and himself. Trying to handle everything on your own is only going to make you more stressed out and less able to offer the loving comfort you want to provide.
Most caregivers will approach their patient with the same sort of attitude that reflects their own belief system concerning sickness and death. If you are overly anxious towards the idea of cancer, you need to find a support method that allows you to express your fears and come to terms with what you are feeling, otherwise you will make your loved one uncomfortable in your presence.
Another factor is the attitude of the patient. They will likely go through a wide range of emotions from anger, to fear, to resignation and everything in between. They will either accept what is happening to them, or not. It is important to give them that space to experience those emotions and settle wherever they may, even if you don't agree with their perspective attitude. Having cancer is very lonely at times, especially in the context of family life. Let your loved one know that no matter what, you are there for her.
I believe that everyone deserves to have a peaceful, comfortable environment during a serious illness. Caregivers need to express their devotion by keeping herself in a decent state of mind, which includes open, direct communication. Denying what is happening is not going to help anyone. Remember that your loved one is the same person as he always was; try not to dismiss what he is going through despite his apparent weakness. He is depending on you to do what he cannot. In the end, you will be the one faced with the memory of how well you cared for your loved one; do whatever you can to make it a positive experience.
Take a break, not just for your own well being but for that of your loved one as well.
My mom had a lot of trouble accepting the idea that my dad was dying of cancer. She refused to discuss anything relating to his condition or even make plans with the funeral director. She still served him like she always had, as his wife, but as he got closer to death, I observed her disconnection. This really surprised me since they had been married for over 40 years. It made me feel so grateful that my parents lived in my hometown so I was able to step in and care for my dad when my mom needed my support. In the process, I found that I was unusually comfortable in that sort of environment, which is what led me to be come a hospice volunteer. I now see that people come to their belief systems from all sorts of influences that none of us one can control. We just have to accept and respect their core feelings. Whether we agree with them or not - it is not our place to question them.
What All Caregivers Sing from their Hearts to those there Caring for
posted by Heart of Soul (Steve), 2 time Cancer survivor and caregiver
He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother {Sister}{Mother}{Father}{Friend}{Child}{Husband}{Wife}
Neil Diamond 1970
Lyrics
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another
It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...
I feel it is more difficult to watch a loved one suffer then it is to experience the suffering yourself.
 | ||||
| ||||
things to do
- respect privacy
- accept beliefs
- take breaks often
- get help
- find support
- pray, pray, pray
- develop your faith
- accept your feelings
"there is no other", photo m.fletcher
I can't imagine anything more upsetting then to see a spouse, parent, child or friend getting a cancer diagnosis and dealing with the side effects of treatment. I watched my father go through stomach cancer, although it was after my own journey had started and I had already developed a strong survival attitude. I offered lots of encouragement to my dad but ultimately, the cancer ended his life. Nevertheless, I was there with him every step of the way. Whatever he needed, I did. I didn't let my own hangup's prevent me from providing for my father's comfort.
It is hard to be brave while in the presence of the ones you love so much. Caregivers get just as overwhelmed as the patients do, and it is not always easy keeping up with all the changes and care required by the patient.
"Encantu Rumi" by Pablo Amaringo
